I once heard of a kid who said, “I know about sharing. That’s when my mom takes my toy and gives it to my brother!” In our desire to encourage young children to share, sometimes we use adult ideas of fairness, and insist on niceties that don’t make sense to children, or feel very good. If another child takes a toy your child is using, you might be inclined to say, “It’s ok! We can all share.” But, think about how you would feel if your work were interrupted by another person, and the work you were doing was taken from you. You would rightly be offended, and your child has the same right to have their work protected from interruptions.
Intentions are good. We want our children to be able to share materials, play together, and consider others’ feelings as they work cooperatively. We share those goals, too, but at Park West we take a different approach. We use a system we like to call Protection of Work. We try to protect children as they work with materials, while instituting a system for asking that ultimately helps kids manage turn-taking on their own.
When a child wants a toy that another is using, we encourage them to ask for a turn. In the beginning, this means teachers are saying all the words, but this modeling gives kids an idea of what they can say, “Can I have a turn?” Now the first child can decide if they are finished with the toy or not. Some children reflexively pull the toy closer, guarding it from the other. Others hand it over even if they were in the middle of using it. We might ask the kid with the toy, “Are you finished? No? Then you can say, “I’m not finished.” Then, we help the other child ask, “Can I have it when you’re done?”
One way to support kids during these kinds of exchanges is to help the asking child find something to do while the first child finishes their turn. We also make sure to follow through when the first child is finished. “Do you remember who wanted a turn? Let’s tell Tim it’s his turn, now.”
Sometimes teachers do need to help move the turns along, if the first child has been using it for a very long time. We will remind them that the other child is waiting, or help that kid ask again, and express that it feels like a long time to wait for their turn. We want children to start to consider other children’s points of view, ultimately, and get the idea that this system works, whether they are the one desirous of a turn, or the person trying to execute their idea before relinquishing the toy to the next kid.
Sometimes teachers might adjust the approach, depending on the kids involved, the materials, and the particular situation. Everybody might want a turn with a new toy in the classroom, so teachers might help orchestrate shorter turns until the frenzy dies down. At some point, we might use a sign up sheet to help track all the kids who are waiting. A signup sheet can be a good reminder that a child will get a turn. Writing their name on a signup sheet is a meaningful way for kids to practice writing their name, and the visual helps kids see that their turn is coming. As we cross off each name on the list, a child has a very concrete example of how soon their turn will come. We like to demonstrate, “Adam had his turn, next will be Joe and then I see your name, Mel. Your turn is after Joe!”
Sometimes a teacher will determine that a child may need a little more time to finish their turn, even if it means the child waiting has to wait until the next school day. It’s all about the intent. Somebody may have an idea they are trying out, and we might protect their chance to experiment, even while another kid desires a turn. Other times, a child may be simply collecting stacks of materials, with no clear purpose. Materials like magnatiles usually have enough pieces for several children to play at the same time, but if one child is hoarding all of the pieces we might point out, “You’re using all of them, and there are none for Tim. Which ones could he use?” Sometimes, Tim’s desires are specific so we might ask him, “Which ones did you want?” and, then we’d help Tim ask for those. He may just need two more squares to finish the sides of his house. If the first child really resists, we might have to help them, and we’d say something like, “You will still have a lot. Can you give two to Tim, or should I help you?”
Children who experience Protection of Work tend to relax when they realize that there is a system in place that works to their advantage, whether they are the person wanting a turn or the person using the material. After learning how to ask for turns, take a turn and let somebody know when you’re finished or not, children are freed up to use the materials. Once they know that they can ask for a turn, children are not so defensive and don’t tend to snatch toys from one another. They even begin to use the technique with kids in their families or in other venues. Parents can help siblings implement the strategy, even with toddlers who don’t really understand or have the words, yet. “Baby is using that right now. Let’s tell him you want a turn, and then wait until he’s done.” or, “I see Baby trying to grab that. It looks like he wants a turn. Can you tell him you’re using it? I’ll help him find something else to do, but let’s be sure to give him a turn when you’re finished.”
When children get to the point when they are motivated to use materials collaboratively with another child, it’s because the drive to be together helps them override their desire to have all the turns or keep all the materials to themselves. When we help kids ask each other for turns, honor their right to work with materials until they’re finished, and follow through consistently, children feel empowered to manage turn-taking and sharing in a way that is effective, that makes sense, and that feels good to them.