The start of school is full of new challenges for young children. It may be their first school experience, or they may be changing schools or classrooms. They may be meeting new children or teachers, and separating from parents and other caregivers. It’s not hard to imagine the feelings this newness may inspire. Even the most adventurous child might feel shy, nervous, uncertain or afraid. You can prepare yourself with some tools to support your child as they face a new school year, or any new challenges that arise.
Talk it over
When your child is starting something new, explain what’s going to happen in simple language. Try to offer information in small doses, over time, so they can process the information and formulate their questions. If they express worry, validate their feelings, and let them know you understand that it will take some time to get used to the new experience. Remind them about other times they faced something new, and reassure them that they will be able to manage this, too. Children might be resistant to talking about the upcoming change, so if your child is increasingly upset, drop the subject. Look for another time or a different way to revisit the idea.
Offer a visual preview
Young kids can find it reassuring when they know what to expect, but it can be difficult for them to visualize unknowns. Taking pictures of new places or people to share with your child can be a nice way to help them anticipate new experiences. At the start of school, Park West teachers invite children to come see the classroom and the people at school, during our gradual entry schedule. Each child has a short visit with their parent(s) to look around the classroom and meet the teachers. The next time they come to school, children follow the full day schedule with just half the class. This offers time and space for children to see and experience all the parts of their school day while the classroom is less crowded. Teachers also send home a picture schedule about how the day will go, and a face page, with photos of all the people in class. These visuals can be useful tools to help children think and talk about school.
Provide adult support
Your child relies on the adults in their life to help them navigate new and challenging situations. The Park West separation policy asks parents to join children at school as they acclimate to the space and get to know and trust teachers. You can let them know who will be there to help them, and offer some specifics. “I’ll hold your hand when we go in,” or, “Your nanny will know which classroom is yours.” We want your child to build a relationship with teachers, but we also realize that this takes some time. We let children know that teachers are at school to help them, and you can help your child by expressing confidence that their teachers will meet their needs. Let them see you greeting and chatting with teachers, and model ways to ask teachers for help. Point out when you see teachers helping other children and reiterate that they are ready and able to help your child. When your child begins to know and trust teachers, and you transition out of the classroom, your child might like to hold on to something of yours or something from home. You can offer a picture you’ve drawn for them or something small like a hairband or keychain. This tangible reminder of your connection can sometimes be a real lifeline for kids.
Find internal resources
Help your child recognize, build and access their own ways to face new situations. Let them know that the new experience will become comfortable with time, and that there are things they can do to help themselves adjust. Offer them ideas, and point out when they are employing these strategies. “We can go see your new school, so you will know what it looks like and who will be there.” “I saw you watching from the slide before you went over to the sandbox. That was a good way to see what’s going on there.” Point out ways you’ve noticed that your child has soothed themself or remind them of activities they like that can help them manage and process their emotions. “Holding Blankie sure feels good when you are sad!” “I know you like to color when you’re feeling nervous at school. Let’s find the crayons.” Sometimes they can reflect on what helped or how the feelings they were having changed. The idea that they won’t always feel this apprehension can be a revelation for young kids. After a child has calmed from an upset, you might ask them what helped them feel better. If your child is at a loss you might point out what you noticed, “You weren’t sure about going into the party, but after you tried the games you started to have fun.” You may need to help your child tune into their bodies, and distinguish what will help in a particular moment. “I know you’re feeling nervous about the doctor appointment. Would it feel good to run fast down the block together or to walk slowly?” Or, share your own struggles and strategies. “I like to calm down with music if I’m nervous about trying something new.” Kids will begin to understand that there are ways we all self-regulate when we face new challenges.
Tell a story
We often read books with young kids to address topics like the start of school. You can also make up stories to tell aloud, which can help children understand a new concept, internalize a process or reflect on recent happenings. Teachers at Park West sometimes position new information in the form of a story, “One day, some kids came to school and met three teachers…..” or reflect on a recent event, “We were all playing when we heard the loud bell ring. Everybody went with the teachers down the stairs and outside…..” We sometimes use simple stick figure drawings as we describe an event to help a child work through big feelings. “Here is Max in the classroom, and this is his Mommy working upstairs. When Mommy said goodbye, Max cried, and a teacher helped him find something to play. Now Max feels better.” You can describe something like the first day of school or meeting a new baby, and after naming the distressing part, lead it to a satisfying conclusion. Or, ask your child to tell you the story of their day or an event they’re thinking about. It can be especially soothing to tell stories while they’re doing something calming, like playing in the bath, sifting sand, painting or drawing. Writing down the words or creating a simple picture as you tell the story can also give kids another visual reminder to hang on to.
Play About It
Children love to pretend, and acting out parts of everyday life is a good way for kids to process emotions, take on different roles, and help them understand new situations. They may like to set up a pretend classroom, or move their stuffies through the daily school routine. Listen to what they’re working out when they play this way, or join them in acting out parts of their day. Have some fun with it, and take a turn to be a child while they play the adult, or suggest absurd situations. If you voice their concerns, by refusing to go to school or acting out difficult emotions, they have the chance to work out some solutions, suggest the support they might want, or create a fantasy resolution that goes just the way they wish it could. A bit of humor can ease the tension, especially when emotions are running high.
You’ll be helping your child meet new challenges throughout their lives, whether it’s starting school, meeting a new babysitter or moving to a new house. Ready yourself with a few tools to help both of you as you face these new experiences together.
Happy New School Year!
Anita