From Melissa:
I recently came across a letter written to Park West families from Jane Nolan, our school’s long-time director, who retired last year. It is such a helpful message about how to take care of yourself and your children during the busy holiday season, with advice I welcome as a parent myself. She gave me permission to share her message with all of you and I hope it adds to the peace and joy in your home this holiday season.
Dear Parents,
Every year I send out a note on scaling back our expectations of ourselves and our children during the holiday season. Well, here we are again! Now that the Park West potluck season is over, I hope to follow my own advice and be more sensible about the commitments I make. So here is my annual take on taking time for ourselves and finding some peace during this busy, busy season. One year after my holiday note was sent out a parent called to let me know that she was taking what I said very seriously. For her that meant she had decided she wouldn't send out the holiday cards she had purchased. The other purpose of her call to me was to let me know that I might be hearing from her relatives or friends, as she was going to let them know there were no cards due to my advice. Luckily for me, I didn't get an irate call from Grandma.
For many of us the holiday season means our days will be filled with shopping, parties, visiting family, eating too much, going to the Nutcracker, trips to the mall, and maybe an American Girl Doll Tea Party. Just writing about it makes me tired and nervous and overwhelmed. Every year I tell myself I will not fall into that same trap of over-scheduling which leads to over-tiredness and emotional breakdown (or physical illness).
We expect too much of ourselves. Maybe we don't want to miss a minute of fun or not "enjoy" a family tradition we've known all our lives. But have you noticed how we keep adding new traditions, new commitments, to our ever increasing must do list? Perhaps we over-schedule and overextend ourselves so we won't disappoint anyone - younger children, older children, parents, in-laws, friends, colleagues, bosses.
What can we do so we don't end up in a "holidaze"? I think first is to realize that over scheduling happens to all of us. We must acknowledge that too much is going on to participate in all of it. Be realistic and know ahead of time that three events in one day is too much, won't work, and will surely lead to someone's unraveling: you, your child, or most likely, both of you.
We need to make some conscious choices. Sit down with your calendar and decide what is really important. Which events have priority? Resist the impulse to please everyone. Usually trying to please everyone else leads you to be the one who is miserable. As you make your plans be sure to include down time. Have time at home with just your family. Quiet evenings at home working on low key projects, playing games, reading books, or watching videos together can really be rejuvenating and help to calm and reassure everyone.
Be an advocate for your child. Don't be a co-conspirator in the over-scheduling that leads to tears, temper tantrums, and breakdowns. Children feel the stress of holidays too. The excitement can quickly turn into over-excitement. The holidays get a huge build up - lots of food, toys, visiting, staying up late, traveling, and being on extra good behavior for relatives. Throw into that mix two weeks of no school over December and January, and you have a recipe for overstimulation, disappointment, and exhaustion.
The holidays should be a happy time. We all need to take some time to reflect on our good fortune, as well as the true blessings in our lives - our children, our family, our friends, our health, and safety. We all have so much to be grateful for. So scale back your schedule and your expectations. Don't fall into that same old trap we've all been in before (me included).
Make conscious, realistic decisions about what you and your family can and can't do. This means saying no to some invitations. By choosing what is important to us and letting go of those things that we just can't do, we will be truly celebrating the season. We will be able to take the time to realize how our children have blessed our lives. We can enjoy them, protect them from the stress of too many commitments, and create some peace in our own lives.Many thanks for being with us this school year.
Peace and Joy,
Jane